You’re planning to get married. Congrats! Congratulations! Take a deep breath. This is a team project. You can still do the entire work and get an “A” (and by that, I mean get married). This 12-month calendar will help you to visualize what needs to be done when it should be done, and when it’s time to say, “Screw this, we’re going eloping,” so that you can know when to take a break for self-care.
Just Engaged or Not?
You don’t need to start the fire hose immediately after getting engaged.
Now Pump the Brakes
Allison Davis, a Davis Row wedding planner in New York, says that the only thing to do right away is to get your ring (if there’s one involved) insured.
Relax for two weeks after the initial excitement of getting engaged. Meg Keene is the founder of A Practical Wedding and author of A Practical Wedding. She says that being engaged can become less enjoyable if you do not have unlimited funds or a family that functions perfectly. You can tell anyone who asks too many questions to go away.
Create a mission statement
After your two-week respite is over, you’ll need to create a mission statement. You’ll have to determine your values. A wedding ceremony is not required. Only the food and the type of food is.
Consider:
- What is your top priority? A cake, a hypnotist, or former President Barack Obama?
- What is your emotional core? Would you like to include messages of love from your friends in your ? You can have a religious ceremony that will cement your relationship with each other and God. Your parents can walk you down the aisle. You can invite your dog to your wedding.
- Do You Have a Motto? Below are some examples:
“As far as the fun is concerned, everything else will be gravy.”
“All it matters is that we are happy now.”
No one is interested in flowers. Not even us.”
You’ll need it later. Later, you’ll need this information.
Plan your meetings
Ms. Keene recommends monthly meetings early on in the planning process and weekly ones near the wedding. She says to make it a formal event because you are planning a big project.
In your first meeting, you should tackle the most difficult issues: budgeting, guest list and venue. By rushing to set a date and budget before deciding on the guest list, you are putting your cart ahead of the horse.
If the meeting ends in a disagreement over cake flavors, color schemes, or the number of long-lost family members to invite, go for a self-care activity and then come back the next day. It’s also a good time to think about pre-marital counseling. We’ll talk more about that later.
Talk Budget
What’s the good news? The good news? Keene believes that “the tradition of who pays what is done” is still present. Then discuss with your future spouse how much money you have to spend. Ask parents and other parties to give you money. Then, tell them that you will do your best to achieve their priorities. It won’t prevent others from having an opinion later, but it will help.
It’s like finding out the recipe for Coca-Cola. Websites such as The Knot and Wedding Wire provide some pricing information. However, Ms. Davis suggests contacting a local wedding planner to schedule a consultation. This is usually free or very low-cost (even if the planner will not be used). Leah Weinberg, wedding planner at Color Pop Event, suggests calling vendors cold and asking friends who have recently been married for advice. *
This is probably the first time that you will consider eloping. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it!
Talk Guest List
After you have created a budget, you can then move onto your guest list. You can decide if you want to invite people like Dave, your well-meaning coworker who is overly enthusiastic. Ask your family for a rough invitation list, but don’t make any promises. Make a list of the people you want to attend your wedding. You can let your family know that if the list combined is too long, you will have to charge them a certain amount per person. You can ask yourself, “Do you really want them to be there?” If someone wants Great Aunt Millie’s summer party to happen, they could pay the extra money. *
If you plan to mail your invitations, you’ll need the current addresses of all those you wish to invite. If you’re planning to mail out your invitations (which is becoming less common due to the rise of digital invites, more on that below), then this will be important. To collect addresses, every planner I spoke to recommended Zola’s Guest List Tracker or an old-fashioned Google Doc.
This is the second occasion when it will be appealing to call off the entire thing and exchange vows before an Elvis impersonator. Review your mission statement, and act accordingly.
Consider the Venue
Plan your vision before booking a location. You can narrow down your venue search by knowing whether you’d like to marry in a cool cafe near your home or at Windsor Castle, à la Prince Harry and Meghan. She suggests that you use Pinterest and Instagram as a way to start the ball rolling instead of focusing on “this chuppah, this table setting.” You can also record your favorite songs and art, so your wedding will feel more like what you want it to be rather than just an Instagram post. If you’re looking for some books to read, try “A Practical Wedding,” Offbeat Bride, and Catalyst Wedding Co., which focuses less on white heteronormative marriages.
Although 99 percent of the people you meet will ask, “When is the date?” Now it’s time to choose a location and a date. Ask the following questions to potential venues to ensure they meet your vision, budget, and guest count.